20 May 2007:

A day cruising through the North Sea....a chance to sleep late and just wander around the ship picking and choosing a few activities.

Despite that fact that I have remained a member in good standing of the “Stair People” I am feeling the effects of the constant onslaught of rich foods and wine offered at every hour of the day. So, the first activity of the day that I chose was a visit to the gym; where I found that the impact of the last 4 port days had thinned the herd that normally clogs the exercise room in the mornings. Everyone was either very tired or had given up on trying to fight the debilitating effects of food and alcohol. For the record, thus far, I have not gained a single ‘stone’ according to the Princess scales in the spa area....I believe I’m even constant on the kilogram scale, but I feel in need of a major exercise program. I remain suspicious that someone on the Princess staff goes in every night and resets the scales to read a little lower.....I’ll know for sure when get home.

In the afternoon I go to the port lecture on Oslo, our next port, given by John Lawrence, who will be the cruise director on the Baltic segment of this cruise. John is, as always, entertaining and informative. We have had him as a cruise director on a previous cruise and he manages to mix humor and education into his port and history lectures.

A true story:

A few days ago on tour, I believe it was in Le Havre, France; during a lunch break I entered the men’s room at the place we dining......now I should mention that I had been taking pictures and that I had been using my very fancy Canon 70-300mm, auto-focus, image-stabilized, zoom lens. This lens is very long and very heavy. It weighs much more than the camera. So, with the camera hanging from the strap around my neck, the weight of the lens causes the camera and the big lens to point straight down.....now back to the story: I entered the men’s room, stepped up to the urinal and began to do what men do when standing in front of urinals. The man standing next to me....it seems there is always a man standing next to you in a public urinal....the man standing next to me looks over at the camera which is hanging from my neck and pointed straight down and says: “Whoa, I though for a minute that you were taking a picture” . To which, being the witty fellow that I am, I replied: “Nope, there’s nothing very photogenic down there”. Without missing a beat, he looked over and responded: “Oh, you’re being much too modest”.

.....now I suspect that he was just an even more witty fellow than me......but, just in case, I did back away, very slowly and I made sure I didn’t run into him again on that tour.

Story Number Two....I don’t know how much of it is true but maybe all of it is:

Yesterday at dinner James Bond was regaling us with stories of his adventures during the day....he never actually got off the boat in port, but he did wander around the ship....he said that he had run into a tall, beautiful woman in the Explorer’s Lounge. The woman smiled (provocatively) at him.....They began a conversation. He found out that she was the lead singer in the main show onboard....well, one thing led to another, and now they were best friends. That seemed pretty harmless. Bond met a pretty girl and they spent an hour talking....it made for a little dinner time conversation. But later during dinner Mr. SuperGlue leaves the table to visit the restroom and when he returns....after a very long absence...he tells the story that 2 very attractive young ladies were out in the hallway and they were having an argument over who had the brightest colored bra. So, they stopped Mr. SuperGlue to ask him to be the judge.....they exposed some significant part of their lingerie to him and asked him to choose. Well that sort of tops Mr. Bond’s story now doesn’t it. So, I asked SuperGlue what color he chose. He said he didn’t know because he is color-blind. Then I asked him how he made the decision. He said: “Based on the women’s other attributes”. Once again, I tell you that I am not making this stuff up....somebody may be, but it’s not me. I think there may be a little competition between Bond and SuperGlue as to who has the best ‘Hot Babe’ story. 

Tonight is another formal night....the last of this segment of the cruise...so I’ll pause the narrative so I can begin the process of turning myself into an elegant and sophisticated member of the Swell Set....though I hope the swells aren’t too large this evening.

........OK, I just got back from dinner and from a brief stint in the casino....where I kicked the ‘Pushie-Scrapie machine’s butt....well, maybe I didn’t kick it, but I may have nudged it a little...I walked away with $4.25 more than I started with....like I said earlier, I may not be ready for big time gambling.

.....But there was some major entertainment at dinner....at least for a physicist....Mr. SuperGlue happened to ask if Steven Hawking was still alive (Note: for the non-physicists on the email list....which I think is everyone on the email list except for Marion...Steven Hawking is one of the most respected and most tragic figures in modern physics....if you want to know more just do a Google search on Steven Hawking). I said yes, he was still alive. To which Mr. SuperGlue responded that he needed to get in contact with Mr. Hawking because he believed that he had figured out where all the ‘dark matter’ in the universe had gone and why the total gravitational force in the universe wasn’t matching the current theories.

Note to everyone: at this point I was expecting the story to be a joke....the punch line being that all the dark matter in the universe converged on the mid-section of a cruiser after 15 days at sea....and I said so....Big Mistake!

He was serious....very serious. He had important information that needed to be communicated to Steven Hawking RIGHT NOW!

...now all the physicists in the audience (all one of them) are rolling on the floor laughing out loud....but the non-physicists might still be a little confused. Let’s just say that Mr. SuperGlue’s suggestion is the equivalent of me giving prose lessons to Mark Twain, being a dance critic to Isadora Duncan or giving music advice to Beethoven.

.....once again, let me say that I have a certain affection for Mr. SuperGlue and a lot of respect....he is a very smart person and I have no reason to doubt any of his stories about his personal accomplishments....well, other than that bra judging contest thing, of which I’m still a little skeptical  .....but I believe that even a very smart adhesive chemist might want to think twice about giving advice on the nature of gravitational forces in he universe to someone like Steven Hawking....but that’s just my opinion and I could be wrong. Let’s just say that we come from different backgrounds and are heading in different directions, but our paths just happened to cross at this time and on this ship.